For many intended parents, surrogacy is not the beginning of the story.
It often comes after years of trying, waiting, grieving, researching, saving, hoping, and making decision after decision. Some intended parents arrive after failed IVF cycles. Some are same-sex couples building their family through third-party reproduction. Some are single intended parents taking the journey independently. Some have already worked with an egg donor, embryo donor, fertility clinic, attorney, or other professionals before surrogacy ever enters the picture.
By the time intended parents begin exploring surrogacy, they may already be carrying a lot.
That is exactly why intended parent intake matters.
In this episode of Carrying the Conversation, Kayla sits down with Jenn, Reproductive Options’ intended parent intake and matching coordinator, to talk about what support looks like from the very first conversation. Jenn brings both professional experience and personal understanding to her role. After navigating her own infertility journey and the process of matching with an egg donor, she understands how overwhelming third-party reproduction can feel.
Her approach is rooted in two things: operational rigor and emotional grounding.
And for intended parents, that combination can change the tone of the entire journey.
Intended Parents Should Not Have to Know Everything at Once
Surrogacy involves a lot of information.
There are clinic requirements, legal requirements, medical records, surrogacy agency agreements, cost estimates, escrow, insurance, match calls, embryo transfer, pregnancy support, birth planning, and postpartum logistics. Intended parents often try to research everything before they even speak with a surrogacy agency. They may talk to clinics, attorneys, friends, family members, online groups, and social media communities.
That research can be helpful.
It can also become completely overwhelming.
One of the most important points Kayla and Jenn make in this surrogacy podcast episode is that intended parents do not need to know every answer immediately. They do not need to carry the whole process alone. A strong surrogacy agency should help them understand what matters now, what comes later, and what can be managed by the team.
That is part of Jenn’s role.
She helps intended parents move from “I need to figure everything out” to “I have someone guiding me through the next step.”
That shift matters, especially for people who have already had to manage so much on the path to parenthood.
Jenn’s Perspective as Someone Who Understands Infertility
Jenn’s work is shaped by her own personal experience.
She came into this role after navigating infertility, including diminished ovarian reserve and the process of matching with an egg donor. That experience gives her a unique understanding of what intended parents may be feeling when they first reach out.
For many intended parents, criteria and preferences are not just a checklist. They are often a form of risk mitigation.
After being on the wrong side of statistics, a person may naturally want to control as much as possible. They may want the “perfect” surrogate candidate, the “perfect” clinic approval, the “perfect” legal state, the “perfect” timeline, and the clearest possible financial picture before taking another step.
That desire for control makes sense.
But surrogacy, like infertility, includes unknowns. Part of Jenn’s role is helping intended parents sort through what is truly important, what is required, what is preferred, and what may be worth staying open-minded about.
That kind of support is not just logistical.
It is emotional.
The First Step: Intended Parent Intake
The intended parent process begins with brief intake forms.
Those forms help Reproductive Options understand who the intended parents are, where they are located, what clinic they are working with, who their doctor is, and what their background looks like.
Once that information is shared, Jenn describes an important shift: it stops being the intended parents’ responsibility to manage every detail alone.
For example, intended parents do not need to personally track every clinic requirement or determine whether a potential surrogate will meet every medical preference. That is part of the surrogacy agency’s expertise. Once the team knows the clinic and doctor involved, they can begin looking at the process through that lens.
After the intake forms, intended parents have a consultation call with Jenn.
That call is about more than collecting information. It is about getting to know the intended parents as people. What are they hoping for? What kind of relationship do they imagine with a surrogate? What matters most to them? What are they afraid of? What do they believe they need in a candidate?
Those conversations help build the foundation for matching.
Turning a Long Wish List Into Real Priorities for Intended Parents
One common challenge in surrogacy matching is that intended parents may come in with a very long list of requirements.
That list might include clinic rules, legal considerations, recommendations from online groups, advice from friends, personal preferences, vaccination status, location, communication style, pregnancy history, insurance, and more.
Individually, many of those preferences may make sense.
Together, they can sometimes create an impossible candidate.
That does not mean intended parents are wrong for having preferences. It means the process needs careful guidance. Jenn helps intended parents talk through what is essential, what is flexible, and what may be less important than it first seemed.
The goal is not to dismiss their concerns.
The goal is to help them find a realistic, safe, aligned match without missing the right connection because the list became too narrow.
As Kayla says in the surrogacy podcast episode, when the match feels right, there is often a sense of comfort. The intended parents and surrogate get off the match call feeling, “This is it. This feels right.”
That feeling matters.
Surrogacy is not only about checking boxes. It is about building trust with the person who may carry your baby.
Why Relationship Matters in Surrogate Matching
A strong surrogacy match is built on more than qualifications.
Of course, qualifications matter. Medical history, clinic approval, legal compatibility, and safety are essential. But once those pieces are in place, the relationship matters deeply.
Intended parents are being asked to trust someone else with one of the most personal, emotional, and life-changing parts of their lives. Surrogates are being asked to commit their time, body, energy, family, and heart to helping someone else become a parent.
That relationship needs a strong foundation.
Jenn and Kayla both emphasize that matching should be thoughtful, warm, and mutual. The goal is not to force a connection or move people through the process as quickly as possible. The goal is to create a match where everyone feels aligned and supported.
That matters not only for the current journey, but sometimes for the future too.
Some intended parents may hope for a sibling journey later. Some surrogates and intended parents stay connected long after delivery. Some relationships become a meaningful part of the family story.
Those possibilities begin with a match that feels right.
Clinic Pre-Approval Before the Match Call with a Surrogate
One important part of Reproductive Options’ process is clinic pre-approval before the match call.
Jenn explains that clinic approval is one of the biggest stepping stones in the process. Reproductive Options works with the intended parents’ clinic to make sure the surrogate candidate is someone the clinic is likely to approve before everyone invests emotionally in a match.
The surrogacy agency shares the surrogate candidate’s profile and medical records with the intended parents’ doctor and nursing team so they can review her OB/GYN records and determine whether she appears suitable for surrogacy.
This protects both sides.
For intended parents, it helps avoid the disappointment of connecting with someone who later does not meet clinic requirements. For surrogates, it helps avoid unnecessary emotional investment in a match that may not be medically realistic.
It also reflects one of the themes of the surrogacy podcast episode: intended parents should not be paying up front for a match that has not been properly vetted.
Jenn notes that Reproductive Options does not require intended parents to pay match fees before the doctor and medical team have reviewed the candidate’s records and before the match call confirms that everyone wants to move forward.
That transparency is a major part of the intended parent experience.
Preparing for the Surrogate Match Call
Once the clinic has reviewed and approved the records, the match call can be scheduled.
For intended parents and surrogates, this call can feel emotional. There may be excitement, nerves, hope, and fear all happening at the same time. Intended parents may wonder what to ask. Surrogates may wonder how to share their story. Everyone may be thinking about whether the connection will feel right.
Reproductive Options prepares intended parents ahead of the match call so they do not feel like they are walking in blindly.
Jenn talks about helping intended parents understand what to look for, what questions to ask, and how to get to know the surrogate in a way that supports the full journey ahead. Kayla also shares that match calls are led by Liz, one of the surrogacy agency’s case managers, who helps guide the conversation naturally and thoughtfully.
This preparation matters because the match call is not an interview in the coldest sense.
It is a relationship conversation.
It is a chance to understand communication styles, expectations, personalities, hopes, boundaries, and whether both sides feel comfortable moving forward together.
Surrogacy Cost Transparency Before Moving Forward
Another major topic in this surrogacy podcast episode is cost transparency for intended parents.
Jenn acknowledges that comparing surrogacy agency fees can be difficult because it is rarely apples to apples. One surrogacy agency may bundle legal fees, escrow, or other costs into a single number. Another may list a lower estimate but leave out important items that could appear later.
That can make it very hard for intended parents to understand what a journey may actually cost.
At Reproductive Options, Jenn explains that intended parents receive the surrogate candidate’s full profile, including her cost sheet. That cost sheet is designed to show not only the expected expenses, but also possible expenses that may or may not happen.
Examples include a C-section fee, multiple transfer expenses, or the possibility of a split embryo resulting in a multiples pregnancy. Insurance estimates may also need to be reviewed or adjusted depending on open enrollment and other factors.
The goal is not to scare intended parents.
The goal is to help them plan.
Surrogacy is already emotionally and financially significant. No intended parent wants to reach the end of a journey and be surprised by costs they did not understand at the beginning.
Why Higher Surrogacy Estimates Can Be More Honest
Kayla also explains that some cost estimates may be intentionally higher than what intended parents see elsewhere.
That may sound surprising at first, but the reasoning is important.
A lower estimate is not helpful if it leaves out major expenses or creates a false sense of affordability. If a surrogacy agency presents a low number up front but then includes a long list of exclusions, intended parents may choose that surrogacy agency without fully understanding what they are likely to pay later.
Reproductive Options’ goal is different.
The goal is not to ask intended parents for more money at the end of the journey. The goal is to build a more realistic expectation from the beginning, even if that means the estimate looks higher at first.
As Jenn says in the episode, the program is designed to handle the back-end concerns so intended parents can focus on what matters most: growing their family.
That is the purpose of transparency.
It allows intended parents to make informed decisions before they are emotionally, legally, and financially committed.
Understanding the Surrogacy Agency Agreement
During the review process, intended parents also receive the intended parent agency agreement.
Kayla explains that this is intentional. The goal is for intended parents to understand the costs, the agreement, and the expectations before the match call happens. That way, if the clinic review is complete and the match call goes well, everyone can move forward with clarity.
Jenn also encourages intended parents to ask questions about the surrogacy agency agreement.
The expectation is not necessarily that the agreement will be changed, but context matters. Sometimes, intended parents may see a clause and wonder why it is there. Jenn wants them to feel comfortable asking.
In many cases, surrogacy agency agreement language exists because of experience. Something may have happened in a previous journey, or there may be an industry standard behind a certain requirement. Escrow, for example, is held through a third party, which Jenn notes is a good standard practice.
The larger message is simple: ask questions with curiosity.
The more intended parents understand before moving forward, the more confident and supported they can feel.
California Is Not the Only Option for Intended Parents
One common question Jenn hears from intended parents is whether they need a surrogate in California.
California is well known as a surrogacy-friendly state, and many intended parents assume that matching there is the safest or only option. But Jenn explains that there are many states where surrogacy can be a strong option, depending on the intended parents’ circumstances and legal needs.
The surrogacy agency evaluates state-specific considerations, including pre-birth order processes and whether a state is a good fit for the intended parents’ situation, such as single intended parents or same-sex couples.
This is another area where surrogacy agency support matters.
Intended parents should not have to become legal experts in every state. They need a team that understands the larger landscape, works with experienced attorneys, and helps guide them toward matches that make sense medically, legally, and personally.
The right surrogate may not live in the state the intended parents initially imagined.
And that can be okay.
No Forced Surrogate Matches, No False Momentum
Kayla and Jenn also talk about wait lists, deposits, and the feeling of “movement” that may not actually be progress.
Some agencies may ask intended parents to pay a deposit just to join a wait list. Some may offer paid options to move up faster. Some may present candidates who are not actually aligned with the intended parents’ clinic requirements, legal needs, or personal preferences, simply so the intended parents feel like something is happening.
Reproductive Options approaches this differently.
The goal is not to show intended parents candidates just for the sake of showing candidates. The goal is to present candidates who have a strong likelihood of being a real fit.
That means checking clinic requirements.
It means considering legal compatibility.
It means reviewing preferences on both sides.
It means being honest when a candidate is close, but not ideal.
It also means being honest when the surrogacy agency does not currently have the right fit.
That kind of honesty protects everyone.
As Jenn says, nobody is served by a mismatch.
Why Reproductive Options Does Not Maintain a Long Wait List
Jenn explains that intended parents often ask why Reproductive Options does not have a long wait list.
The answer comes back to intentional structure.
The surrogacy agency caps caseloads and onboards intended parents when there is capacity to support them well and when there are strong surrogate candidates available for matching. Jenn explains that caseloads are capped at 20 so case managers can give each journey the care and attention it deserves.
This also matters in the event of a rematch.
No one wants a rematch to happen, but sometimes it does. If intended parents are already years into their family-building journey, the last thing they need is to wait another year or two for a new candidate.
By managing capacity intentionally, Reproductive Options aims to match efficiently without sacrificing thoughtfulness.
That balance is important.
Fast matching is not enough if the match is wrong.
Careful matching is not enough if intended parents are left waiting indefinitely.
The goal is aligned, intentional matching with real support behind it.
Transparency When the Right Surrogate Candidate Is Not Available
One of the most meaningful parts of this episode is the honesty around fit.
Kayla says that if Reproductive Options does not have the right candidate, the team will be transparent. They are not taking deposits just to keep intended parents waiting. They are not trying to convince someone to stay if the right fit is not there.
Sometimes Jenn may present a candidate who checks most of the boxes but has one area that may need discussion. For example, if intended parents prefer a vaccinated surrogate and a candidate matches everything else but is not vaccinated, Jenn may present that information clearly so the intended parents can decide whether that preference is a sticking point.
That is different from forcing a match.
The goal is to give intended parents honest information so they can make decisions.
If the answer is no, the search continues. If Reproductive Options is not the right surrogacy agency for that intended parent at that time, they may even recommend exploring other agencies.
That kind of transparency builds trust.
Intended Parents Need Representation Too in Surrogacy
Many surrogacy agencies are built by people with surrogate experience, and that perspective is incredibly important.
Reproductive Options is also led by real surrogacy experience, and that lived knowledge shapes the care surrogates receive. But Jenn brings another important perspective: the intended parent side.
She shares that some intended parents feel uncomfortable when a surrogacy agency team is made up only of people who have been surrogates, because they may wonder whether anyone truly understands what infertility feels like from their side.
Jenn’s infertility background allows her to bring that voice into the room.
She understands the grief, the endlessness, and the emotional complexity that can come with infertility. She also understands why intended parents may be cautious, highly detailed, or deeply focused on risk reduction when choosing criteria for a surrogate.
That perspective matters because intended parents deserve to feel understood too.
Surrogacy support should hold both sides with care.
Letting the Surrogacy Agency Carry the Heavy Parts
Toward the end of the surrogacy podcast episode, Kayla summarizes Jenn’s role beautifully: preparation, education, partnership, and guidance.
Intended parents do not need to know everything tomorrow.
They do not need to manage every clinic requirement, every cost concern, every legal question, and every matching detail alone. They need a trustworthy surrogacy agency that can help carry the process so they can keep living their lives and stay connected to the reason they started: building their family.
Jenn echoes that point, saying that there can feel like an endless list of things to worry about in surrogacy. That is exactly why the surrogacy agency is there.
To answer questions.
To manage details.
To prepare for the next step.
To communicate clearly.
To reduce unnecessary overwhelm.
To help intended parents feel less alone.
This work is logistical, but it is also deeply human.
Intended Parent Support That Starts Before the Surrogate Match
Jenn’s episode is a reminder that intended parent support does not begin after a match is made.
It begins with the first intake form.
It begins with the first consultation call.
It begins when someone says, “Here is what we have been through, and here is what we are hoping for.”
It begins when the surrogacy agency helps turn fear, information overload, and uncertainty into a clearer next step.
The intended parent intake and matching process should not feel transactional. It should feel thoughtful, transparent, grounded, and human.
For intended parents who have already carried so much, that matters.
Jenn’s role is to help take some of that weight off their plate, guide them toward the right match, and make sure they feel informed and supported before moving forward.
Because surrogacy is not only about getting matched.
It is about creating the foundation for a journey that feels safe, aligned, transparent, and full of trust.
And that foundation starts before the match.
Thinking About Surrogacy as an Intended Parent and Unsure Where to Begin?
Connect with Reproductive Options to learn more about our intended parent intake and surrogate matching process, transparent cost review, clinic coordination, and personalized intended parent support from the very first conversation.
