Making the decision to become a surrogate is one of the most selfless choices that you can make – but more often than not, it’s a decision that you will not make alone. In fact, 73% of gestational surrogates are married, or living with a long term partner – and this is a choice that impacts them too.
Surrogacy is a journey filled with compassion and true empathy, but it also requires careful consideration to ensure this is the right step for you and your relationship. Having your partner’s support is a critical component to this journey being successful and enjoyable for you. In this blog, we’ll run through some of the ways to navigate this conversation.
Understanding Your Motivations
Before broaching the subject with your partner, take some time to reflect on your own motivations for wanting to become a surrogate. Is it a deeply held desire to help others experience the joy of parenthood? Or maybe it’s a personal connection to infertility that drives your decision?
Regardless, understanding your own motivations will not only help you articulate your feelings to your partner but also ensure that you’re embarking on this journey for the right reasons.
Setting Yourself Up For Success
Discussing the possibility of becoming a surrogate with your partner is a deeply personal and complex process that requires honesty, empathy, and open communication. There are a few areas that we strongly encourage you to cover.
Understanding Each Others’ Expectations
Just as you likely learned during your own pregnancy – it can be pretty unpredictable, and surrogacy is no different. We don’t know entering into this process whether you’ll be nauseous during your first trimester, or filled with energy during your second. Because of this, having a strong support system is paramount.
It’s necessary to head into this experience knowing that there is a possibility that household duties will change hands during this period, and that you may need to rely on each other in ways you haven’t previously. Not only that, but some level of participation is required from your partner – they will be involved in the psychological evaluation necessary to be matched, and they will be part of the overall process.
Ensuring Open Communication
As you walk through this conversation with your partner, it’s essential that you listen to their concerns. Often, there can be a fear of becoming emotionally invested in the baby – or fixating on “what ifs” like bedrest, or sickness.
Understanding their nerves is the first step in ensuring comfort – and our team is available to help. Our registered nurse, Ashley, is on hand to talk about these risks and how to best mitigate or manage them.
We know that the unknown can be a scary prospect here – and that’s why we strongly encourage you to make use of the resources available to you. Speak to our team, ask the questions, and feel confident taking the next step if you feel this is right for you.
Ask Your Questions Here
Knowing What The Process Looks Like
Not only is setting expectations and open communication important, but so is understanding what this journey actually involves. This education is what will empower you, as a team, to know whether this is a step you’re ready to take.
Here at Reproductive Options, we pride ourselves on our dedication to this education process pre-application. We encourage both you and your partner to join in on conversations with us – you’re both welcome here. This is your opportunity to learn what each stage of the process consists of, and what will be needed from each of you.
Surrogacy can and will be a hugely fulfilling experience for the both of you, once full education is provided and a strong support system is established for your surrogacy journey. Ensuring open lines of communication and mutual respect early on will lay the foundation for a strong partnership throughout the surrogacy process.
If there’s uncertainty after getting to grips with the education required, surrogacy may not be right for you at the moment – and that’s okay. Remember that regardless of the outcome, the strength of your partnership and your commitment to each other will guide you through whatever lies ahead.
